Some Honesty: I Hate Money

I think I just need to get a few things off my chest, and this might just be a long rant and a pity party, but here we go:

I HATE MONEY. Mostly how much I need it and just don't have it. I know I'm definitely not the only person who has been affected by this recession, and that things could be a lot worse, but times are tough. It sucks being fired because you are pregnant. There have been a lot of changes and transitions. And then it is has been a such a task finding even a part-time job for so little pay.

I started working at the Y, was making a decent wage, but I HATED it. Between the commute and the awful, rude and misbehaved inner city kids I was just downright depressed, and I really didn't appreciate getting slapped in the belly by a 7-y/o who I had to tell "no."

So I kept looking, and found something I really like, working at SeaLife MN (the aquarium in the basement of the Mall of America). But here I am making $9.25 an hour with a masters degree, and I feel like my time, skills and efforts are worth so much more than that. I'm happier, but not making enough money nor even getting a lot of hours. And at 7 months pregnant... I just don't think it is the right time to look for something new. And as the summer starts and the season picks up there will be many more hours, but then I will be 9 months pregnant, taking time off, and will be ready to go back to work just in time for school to start in the fall and the number of available hours to drop off... ugh. And I don't even know how to work when Childcare will most likely cost more than I might make. We are barely making ends meet and then there is unpaid maternity leave coming up this summer... but we can't even save anything up. Ross has been picking up as many extra shifts lifeguarding as he can, and has been applying for additional jobs like crazy, but it is tough and slow moving.

And then there are bills... rent, utilities, gas, bus fare, food, health insurance, credit cards, student loans and medical bills for which my insurance has denied, a broken side-view mirror that needs replacing... it is enough to keep me up at night. (At least I have the wonderful company of a little girl kicking me to comfort me at night... or to make it more difficult to fall back asleep) Sometimes I wish I had listened to my daddy and stayed a little girl forever...

I just hate feeling so dependent. I wish I could take care of myself and pay all my bills and not have to ask for help. I wish I could just let it go and not worry like in Matthew 6:25-34, but then there's another side to the story too: God helps those who help themselves. There's a joke about a flood and how this guy is praying for God to come and save him, and then a guy shows up in a canoe and offers him a ride. He declines, sayings that "God will save me." Then a rescue boat shows up, but he declines says that "God will save me." Finally, a helicopter comes, but he says the same thing: "God will save me." And then he drowns in the flood. He goes to Heaven and asks God why he didn't save him, and frustrated God replies "I sent a canoe, a rescue boat, a chopper..." So I do need to keep worrying, and keep fighting, and trying to make this better. But more than anything, I know I need to keep trusting.

Alright, after all my sharing about the tough things, and getting that off my chest, I need to sit back and count my blessings: 

1. We are at least somewhat employed, and Ross got an AmeriCorps position that will be starting on August 1! It will be so good for him and for us.
2. This weekend we are moving into our own place and finally going to be able to have a place for our little girl to live, though we couldn't have done it without Lynn (my MIL) and my dad.
3. We were showered with love over the Easter weekend and thrown a beautiful baby shower and give many things that the little one will need, like a crib, mattress, car seat and stroller. My grandparents and sister has been especially generous despite their tough economic times too.
4. Obama made it possible for me to have health insurance right now with my Dad, and he's working hard to help us with student loan debt. For that I am very grateful and supportive! It's so nice to have someone out there fighting for us.
5. I am healthy and the pregnancy is going well.
6. I have an incredible husband who loves me and takes care of me, and lots of family who love and support me.
7. We are applying for some county assistance, hopefully that will help and start soon.
8. I got to reconnect with an old friend.
9. I know that God won't hand us anything we can't handle.
10. Things are, slowly but surely, getting better. We will get through this.

Thankgiving

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! 

I hope you got to celebrate with something delicious looking like this (or perhaps nothing like this!) and with those that you love. We sure did miss our families but enjoyed a quiet day with just me, Ross, and Bryan - a friend of Ross' from school and camp. 

Our special bird came from Cedarville Farm where he lived a good life until this past Tuesday when he came to us. We had decided that buying our turkey from Mike at the farm was very important to us because it aligned with our Christian eating ethic - like supporting a good local farmer who we had developed a relationship with, and the manner in which this turkey was raised had a positive impact of the people who cared for it and the environment, and was healthy for our bodies. 

The turkey needed a brine, so we added 3 cups of salt to 3 gallons of water and soaked him overnight in a 5 gallon bucket. It took a complete rearranging of the refrigerator, but we made it work. The next morning after a quick rinse and dry he was ready to roast! 

We sprinkled the bird with paprika and placed him in an oven bag, stuffed him and left him to roast for about 3 hours. 

It couldn't have turned out better. 

After a 30 minute cool I got to carving. While I was cutting into the breast I started hear this strange sound, it was a faint "gobble gobble." I started freaking out, but then it stopped. I kept carving and then heard it again! I thought I was losing it... then I realized the dishwasher was making some weird squeaking noises. Whew, close one! 

The result was incredible. Delicious, moist meat with a nice, subtle salty flavor. 

I used all the drippings to make a gravy: just put the drippings in a pot, brought them to a boil and added some organic corn starch to thicken. So simple, and the result was delicious! 

Stuffing - with apples, carrots, celery, onions and cranberries. 

Potatoes, also from Cedarville Farm. 

Organic sweet potatoes with brown sugar, cinnamon and vegan marshmallows. 

Green bean casserole - and the only thing that came in a can were the fried onion pieces for the top. I made a simple roux, sautéd mushrooms and onions with the fresh whole green beans, mixed it all up and baked it. 

We have so much to be thankful for - a wonderful meal, each other, graduation is coming up, we get to travel and be home with family for the holidays, we have the opportunity to live and serve at Holden Village soon, and new adventures to come. 

Thank God for good food, friends, family, farmers, cooks, and eaters alike. 

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours! 

Christian Eating Principles

My graduate school project is getting closer and closer to completion, and while researching I was struck by this set of principles offered by John Barclay and I felt compelled to share them with you. Perhaps consider theses are you prepare for Thanksgiving next week. 

Principles: “The first was that all food consumption must be done in orientation and thanksgiving to God; the second, that any food consumption must take into account the effects of that eating on others.”

What does this mean? 

“1. Although the Christian faith imposes no universal rule regarding which foods may or may not be eaten, food is not a non-issue for Christians, but is liable to raise a number of acute and serious questions concerning Christian obedience.

2. A critical question concerning food is whether it can be eaten in thanksgiving to God, whether its orientation is ‘to the Lord’. Good consumption is not a neutral issue for Christians, nor an ‘unspiritual’ matter beneath their moral radar, but as much a part of their Christ-orientation as every other dimension of life.

3. It is central to Christian discipleship to consider the effects of one’s practices on others, to look beyond one’s own legitimate rights and freedoms to see how others are affected. Even food – what we eat and how and where we eat it – can have serious knock-on effects on others, unintended, perhaps, and unexpected: but it is our responsibility to know those effects and to weigh them.

4. Food-taboos are not in principle un-Christian; abstention may be a necessary way of honoring the Lord. In particular, if food consumption causes harm to others, if it damages the weak or humiliates the poor, it is Christians’ responsibility to impose upon themselves a contextually relevant food taboo.”

So what is our Christian responsibility in the face of the impending and current environmental crisis? 

Barclay, J. G. (2010). Food, Christian identity and global warming: a Pauline call for a Christian food taboo. Expository Times, 121(12), 585-593. Retrieved from EBSCOhost.

Green Holy Communion

How to "Green" Your Church's Eucharist, or Holy Communion 

1. Source the elements of Holy Communion locally if at all possible.
• Is there a local and independently owned bakery to purchase loaves of bread?
• Is there locally grown or milled flour to bake with?
• Is there a local winery?
• Do any members of the congregation farm or produce flour or wine?
• Are there organic options available?
2. Establish a church garden in which to grow the necessary ingredients for communion.
• Call upon congregation members with green thumbs to help out.
• Obviously this will vary depending on local climate and seasons. 
3. Use washable cups for individual portions of wine/grape juice, or practice intinction.
• For those who do not wish to drink from the common cup, using small washable glasses reduces waste tremendously. 
• If this is not feasible, use recyclable cups instead.  
• Practicing intinction (the dipping of the bread into the cup) eliminates the need for either.
4. Dedicate a specific prayer for Creation during the Prayers of the Church.
• Thank God for the bounty of Creation that provides us with bread and wine so that we can partake in this sacrament.
5. Encourage and include moments of silence to reflect upon our relationship to the earth and our relationship to food.
• Reflection can help to foster care for the earth and all its inhabitants.   
6. Practice open communion.
• By inviting all to the table, Christian communities embrace the diversity of all people and all of God’s creation, including the earth.  

From Galbraith, K. L.(2009). Broken Bodies of God: The Christian Eucharist as a Locus for EcologicalReflection. Worldviews: Environment Culture Religion, 13(3), 283-304.

The Wild Wildery Wilderness

My reflections and pictures after a week in the North Cascades and a discussion of the Wilderness Act. 

 

The Wild Wildery Wilderness

Wilderness, Wildness, Wildery, Wild,

It opens my eyes with the wonder of a child

Uncontrolled, Untrammeled, Untamed, Imprecise

What wonders unfold when left to its own device.

Naturalness, Naturalist, Natural, Nature,

Ferns, mosses, cedar and Doug fir

Glaciers, peaks, rivers and sea

Creatures, flowers, and then there’s me.  

Silently, Silence, Sound, Song

The community of creation sung all along

But did we hear rushing rivers or the Swainson’s Thrush?

Did we listen to the creaking snag? – don’t rush!

Solitude, Solitaire, Sole, Soul

Wandering alone connects me to the whole

In the city I am many, out here I am one

Though I coexist with all beings under the sun. 

Spirituality, Spiritual, Spirit, Aspire

The mountain peaks lift my heart ever higher

To the sky and to the heavens I envision my fate

Though I savor this beauty as I live and I wait.

Rejuvenation, Rejuvenate, Refine, Renew, 

Such richness in a place that we humans construe

Yet nourished, restored and free I am

And brought back to God like a long lost lamb.

Untrammeled, Untouched, Unwelcome, Unseen

Wilderness is a place of in-between  

We venture to visit, explore and discover

Still I must leave, and return to my lover.

Restrictions, Restrict, Restraint, Restrain,

Both a law and a choice for conserving wild terrain

With action and inaction, the latter more trying

Save living, nothing is more natural than dying.

Gratitude, Gracious, Gracefully, Grace, 

Thank you for allowing me to touch this place

Come again I will, for green-eyed I must confess 

I revere the Wild, Wildery, Wilderness. 

Luther's Table

While we were down in the Seattle area over the weekend we stopped in at Luther's Table. 

I heard about this place from my friend Lydia (who is a pastor) and really wanted to check it out. The moment we walked into the door we were greeted and welcomed by Drew, a young volunteer, who told us about the menu and the place. He was very gracious - it was definitely a more sincere eating experience than I have had in a long time. 

Luther's Table is a ministry of the ELCA and is a restaurant/theology pub run mostly by volunteers. They do not accept tips but they take donations to continue operations as well as to donate to a different charity or organization each month. It is a place for community, food, Bible study, worship and fun. I would encourage you to go check out their website and read more of their story here. 

I ordered Katie's Ale - a good dark brown ale - named for Martin Luther's wife. 

Ross had a Blue Moon. The best part was drinking beer in a pew! All the booths and waiting benches were church pews. 

The place had great atmosphere: it was warm and welcoming - I wish we could have stayed for the live music!  

The food was tasty as well - Ross had a BBQ Beef Flatbread with beef, cheddar and green onions. The presentation was awesome! 

I had the soup and sandwich special - clam chowder with The Vicar Sandwich - turkey, caramelized onions and greens. 

What a cool ministry! I wish it was closer to us! 

Luther's Table 

419 S. 2nd St. Suite 1
Renton, WA 98057

____________________________________________________

This week I am going to be gone at the North Cascades Environmental Learning Center with my Summer Block classes. I've got a couple posts that will be up - but otherwise see you next week! 

In Loving Memory

Three years ago today I lost my mom. 

This is a picture of us in Estes Park, Colorado, my freshman year of college. We made a pit stop there while driving to Rocky Mountain National Park to see the changing trees. My Mom loved traveling and the outdoors and took us out to national parks frequently. That part of growing up really stuck with me and is a huge part of who I am.

Yellowstone with Mom, Grandma, me and brother Alex. 

The Oregon Coast. 

Mom, sister Marissa, and Brad in San Francisco. 

Brad (My stepfather) & Mom. He created a Memorial Website for her. 

One of our most favorite things to do together was to play Scrabble. We would play for hours - well into the night - for days on end. Every year on this day I play Scrabble still with Ross and friends. It's a fun way to remember my mom. 

This is the last picture we took together; it was at the wedding of one of her work friends who happened to be carpooling home with her  the day they died. 

Mom and Chris died when a truck hit their car on Parker Road in Colorado on July 6, 2008. This sign was placed by the Colorado Department of Transportation Memorial Sign Program. Please drive safely and wear your seatbelt. 

I don't get to visit her grave site often since it is in Colorado, and though I wish I could take some flowers I know she's not really there. She's in a better place. I would be better off throwing flowers into the sky. 

My mom also loved with all her heart no matter who or what you were. I still can't believe that nearly 500 people - family, friends, co-workers, my middle school band teacher - showed up to her service to pay respects; it was standing room only. A true testament to how the love of one person can impact many. 

I miss you Mommy. I love you. 

Love always, 

JK 

Holy Communion

 I baked some loaves of bread for communion this Sunday at Christ the Servant Lutheran Church.

My friend Molly and I signed up to serve communion together and I to bake bread. For some reason I really enjoy serving communion; I think that part of it has to do with my love for cooking and baking. I feel that I am taking care of people, somehow nourishing their soul. 

I baked these fresh this morning and I pulled them out of the oven just past 10 - and you wouldn't believe it but they were still warm at noon when I received communion! 

I love that it doesn't really matter what type of bread it is; whether it be leavened or not, white or whole wheat, or even obviously not perfectly shaped - what matters is what the bread represents and what the bread is in the sacrament of communion - the body of Jesus Christ. 

John 6:35, 41-51

Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to 

me will never be hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be 

thirsty.  

_________________________________________

If you curious as to what exactly is communion in the Lutheran tradition, it is a meal shared by the entire congregation each Sunday in which we remember the Last Supper and we taste the feast to come. 

Luke 22:19-21

 ¹⁹ And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.”

 ²⁰ In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you.

"The Eucharist or Holy Communion is above all a meal. And it is not mere bread and wine. We actually eat the Lord’s body, and we drink the Lord’s blood. It is an eschatological feast, that is, a foretaste of the heavenly banquet." -ELCA

Good (Seed Bread) Friday

I'm exhausted, and have left blogging a bit behind as I have had to dedicate more time to being a TA and an intern this week. I have also decided to dedicate more time to spend with my husband, and attend Holy Week services, and yes, making bread. 

This is what we hear every Sunday at church before communion, but last night as we remembered the Last Supper, we listened to it with a renewed angst. 

1 Corinthians 11:23-26

 ²³ "The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, ²⁴ and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, “This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.” ²⁵ In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.” ²⁶ For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes."

Though I could speak these words by heart, and have heard this story time and time again, there was something about last night where the story struck my in a different way. For Jesus, this truly was His last meal, and as my feet were washed and I tasted the bitter wine with unleavened bread I was simply brought to tears. I felt gratitude in a way that I hadn't before. That night was his last night on earth - and then humbly Jesus went to the cross for me. And for you. And for all the earth and all of creation. 

Good Seed Bread 
An Original Recipe 

Ingredients:

2 cups warm water 

1 1/2 Tbsp active dry yeast

3 Tbsp sweetener (sugar, honey, agave) 

3 Tbsp organic canola oil

1 Tbsp salt 

2 cups unbleached white flour 

2 cups whole wheat flour 

1/2 cup vital wheat gluten flour

1/4 cup sesame seeds 

1/4 cup golden flax seeds 

1/4 cup sunflower seeds 

In a large bowl measure out the yeast, salt, sweetener, and canola oil. 

Add the warm water and gently mix. 

Then add the seeds, followed by the flour. 

Knead the dough by squeezing, rotating, folding and massaging until it is a bit sticky but is smooth, elastic, and is in one piece. Leave it to rise for two hours - or I left mine in the refrigerator to rise slowly overnight. 

After the first rise, prepare your bread pans (grease if needed) and then divide the dough into three equal pieces. Fold the dough into itself and then form into a long cylinder that is about 3/4 the length of your pan. Slash the top of the loaf with a serrated knife and leave to rise for about 40 more minutes. 

Preheat the oven the 450*F. Boil 2 cups of water and place the water in an oven safe dish on the rack below your loaves. Bake the loaves for 25-30 minutes. When they are done place then on a cooling rack for about 20 minutes to let the steam continue to cook the bread. 

(I broke out the summery table cloth.) 

Aren't they lovely? 

The first bite I took was somewhat of a shock - I have become accustomed to my usual honey whole wheat recipe, but this loaf has such a different, exciting and great flavor! 

Loaded with seeds. 

Today is not only Good Friday but it is also Earth Day. While the day tends to have a somber tone, what we must remember is that in Jesus' dying we all live. In the same way, it is by the dying of creation we live. As I have mentioned before - to me, baking bread is both a radical act of environmentalism and an act of spirituality. 

Therefore, I want to leave you with one final reflection for the day, and wish you peace on the rest of your journey in these 3 days. 

Psalm 126:5-6 

⁵ Those who sow with tears
   will reap with songs of joy.
⁶ Those who go out weeping,
   carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
   carrying sheaves with them.